How to explain donor conception to a toddler(with examples!)
- Emilie Poplett
- Sep 5
- 4 min read
If you formed your family with the help of an egg donor, sperm donor, or adopted embryo, you might be wondering how to explain it to your child—especially when she's too young to understand the complexities of IVF, IUI, or surrogacy.
Explaining anything to a toddler can be a production. Last weekend I explained to my 15-month-old that no, you can't climb into the top rack of the dishwasher, because you don't fit, and also there are knives in there.
So the thought of explaining your child's biological roots—and all the complexities of choosing a genetic donor and using assisted reproductive technology to build a family—can be daunting. But it doesn't have to be!
You don’t need to wait until your child is “old enough to understand.” In fact, research on when to tell your child about their conception shows that the earlier you start, the better. When kids grow up always knowing their origin story, it feels natural—just another part of who they are.
And the toddler years are the perfect time to begin.
Why start talking about donor conception in the toddler years?
Toddlers love stories. They learn about the world through repetition, picture books, and simple narratives. Their family story can be part of that.
No big reveal. If your child grows up always hearing the truth, there’s never a shocking sit-down moment later in life.
Builds trust. Early honesty lays the foundation for openness, security, and confidence in your relationship.
A long-term UK study following 100 families found that donor-conceived kids who learned about their origins before age seven had stronger family relationships and greater wellbeing than those told later. By age 20, only 12.5% of early-told kids reported family issues, compared with 50% of late-told kids (TIME)
Keep it simple: Use toddler-friendly language
I'm a proponent of using anatomically correct language—sperm, egg, embryo, and uterus—even when speaking to toddlers. You can do this in a way that's still age-appropriate for young children.
For example, in my customizable children's book templates on donor conception, I include language like:
"To need a baby, you need two tiny things: an egg and a sperm."
"Mama's body made eggs but not sperm, so she needed some help."
"The donor isn't a part of our family, but he played a special role in helping create you."
Your toddler may not grasp what reproductive endocrinology is, and that's okay. The important thing is that you're laying the groundwork with simple, repeated phrases.
Use imagery to help explain sperm donation and egg donation
If there's anything my toddler loves looking at, it's a picture of his own face. (I can't blame him. He's exceptionally cute.)
The reason I created customizable templates for families of donor-conceived kids is that I wanted to be able to include pictures of our family, my donor, and even my son when he was just an embryo.
Adding those photos and the details that make our story unique helps him understand that this isn't just any story, it's his story—our story.
The templates also include cute illustrations to help him visualize all the parts of assisted reproductive technology, along with different family structures.
Other books do a great job of this, too. My favorite is What Makes A Baby by Cory Silverberg. Although it's geared toward preschool age and up, I read it to my son often. The bright colors are captivating for toddlers!
The most important thing is that you make this story a part of your routine. It won't be a one-time telling but an ongoing conversation as your child grows.
How much should I say about the donor?
When your little one is still a toddler, he might not care about all the donor details just yet. Our books make space for photos and just a few details: one or two physical traits and one interest or hobby. You can add more detail if your child becomes curious as they grow.
The important thing is defining, in simple terms, what a donor is: "A donor helped us/me create you."
Other books about donor conception
There are lots of other books and resources out there to help you explain the concept of donor conception in an age-appropriate way, too.
The Donor Conception Network has some great recommendations for children in their bookshop geared toward all kinds of family structures.
No matter which resource you choose, the most important thing is this: If you’re here, you’re already the kind of parent who values openness and honesty. You’re doing the most important thing—helping your child grow up proud of their story.
Final thoughts
Talking to your toddler about being donor-conceived doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Keep it simple. Repeat often. Make it part of storytime, part of everyday life.
And if you want a tool that makes it easy, our templates are designed to give you the words and visuals so your child grows up always knowing their story. Because in the end, what makes your family strong isn’t shared DNA—it’s shared love, honesty, and connection.
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